By Jean Friend [tf]jeanfriend[/tf]
Fall is officially here, which means two things:
1.) Pumpkin spice lattes and
2.) baseball season is almost over.
For most of us Sox fans, the end of this season can’t come soon enough. The 2014 Red Sox have been plagued by injuries and inexperience, resulting in a completely unexpected return to the cellar of the AL East. Yes, they did win it all in the previous season, and yes, I am a spoiled Boston sports fan expecting to be watching the duck boats drive down Boylston every year. Yet, there’s another big reason I am particularly looking forward to the end of this season.
Derek Sanderson Jeter.
Since the announcement of his retirement at the beginning of the year, I have been dreading the upcoming weekend. In case you live under a rock, Derek Jeter’s last game at Fenway is this Sunday, the 28th, and the Sox are planning a “low key” ceremony for it.
Reasons I don’t care and neither should you:
1.) He played for the Yankees:
Remember that symbol that all of us grew up hating? The N and the Y superimposed on a navy blue hat? Yeah, Derek Jeter played for that team his whole career. Now that our rivalry has been reduced to calling each other out for using pine tar, it is safe to say that we’ve all gone soft. Remember these moments?
Good. Now that you hate the Yankees again, let’s keep running through reasons.
2.) Red Sox are 26 games out of first in the AL East and the Yankees are 14 games back.
In other words, this series means diddly squat. They’re basically just grown men playing in a field with some dirt on it for fun. Why should the retirement of one guy change the importance of this game?
Imagine if they were neck and neck in the pennant race? That would change EVERYTHING. I’d probably even clap once for Jeter.
3.) Hocus Pocus is probably on TV instead.
Sunday afternoon is precious. It holds the last hours you have before the Sunday Scaries set in. Why lose those precious hours watching a baseball game? Pop in Hocus Pocus and remind yourself that Halloween is a month away, and buy yourself some brownie points with your girlfriend/wife.
4.) Would the Yankees ever do the same for one of our legends?
5.) Didn’t we already do this for Mariano?
Where does Red Sox management draw the line and say, “Enough is enough! I’m done giving away our infield dirt and a number from the Green Monster just because you played in the league for over a decade?”
At least Mariano Rivera was indisputably the best closer in baseball history. Derek Jeter is definitely not the best SS in baseball history. Not by a long shot.
6.) I’m jealous of his awesome sex life.
Perhaps the biggest reason I can’t stand Derek Jeter is pure jealousy. Just look at that dating diamond. Hannah Davis as your starting pitcher? Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel shutting down the outfield? Impossible not to be jealous.
Ugh. Wake me up when ESPN starts talking about Lebron again.