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14 Things You Should Never Do When in the Presence of Someone From Boston

By Bobby Donovan | 09/29/2014
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  1. Never call Boston ‘Beantown’ – it’s weird.
  2. Don’t talk shit about Boston. Most of us are pretty protective of our city, maybe to a fault. But if anyone’s gonna talk shit about Boston, it’s gonna be us.
  3. Boston is not a monolith. Each neighborhood has its own separate identity. So, don’t conflate, for example, West Roxbury with Roxbury, or the South End with South Boston.
  4. Never mention moving someone’s space-saver in the winter. People have been stabbed over this, its no joke. 
  5. Never try to fake an accent. We can pick it out from a mile away.
  6. Don’t bring up sports or politics if you are not ready to argue for at least an hour.
  7. If you broadcast the fact that you are a Canadiens, Jets, and/or Yankees fan, you do so at your own risk. 
  8. If you are easily offended by profanity and/or sarcasm, prepare to be offended.
  9. Never say that you’re from here when you’re actually from some random suburb. (I’m talking to you, Braintree, Newton, Lexington, Canton, etc.)
  10. Don’t ask as us to say stupid shit to demonstrate our accents if we have one. (I have never parked my car in Harvard Yard.) It makes you seem like a tool. If you’re just patient, you’ll hear it regardless, so don’t worry.
  11. Why do you ask if we all like clam chowder, Cape Cod Chips, and Nantucket Nectars? That’s a stupid question, of course we do…
  12. If you meet someone from Southie, don’t ask if they know Whitey. Just don’t do that.
  13. If you are a yuppie, tourist, college student, or anyone that shows out-of-town tendencies, don’t get mad when we inevitably laugh and make fun of you.                                                                                                                                                     lol
  14. Never write something like this. We cannot guarantee your safety.
  • AfricanAmericanTruth™

    lol

  • sbozich

    I had to read this to make sure I can still yell “BOOM” at the marathon.

    • Frank

      Wow, you’re a fucking asshole. I hope you get AIDS. Have a wonderful day jackoff.

    • Ian Davies

      Hope you catch Ebola dirtbag.

  • Saul Reubenstein

    i generally try to avoid people from boston. that helps.

    • Frank

      Good, I tend to avoid shitstain humans, thanks for cooperating!